The '21-Day Rule' Post-Breakup: What You Need to Know
The concept of the "21-day rule" suggests that when deciding to end a relationship, it's essential to commit to completely no contact with the person for a period of 3 weeks - 21 consecutive days.
You may have heard of Matthew Hussey, the famous British love coach (and ex-boyfriend of pop star Camila Cabello). He often offers advice and insight on the subject of love, especially to those coming out of a bad relationship and in need of support. Precisely when it comes to the post-breakup period, Matthew Hussey reiterates that he is an advocate of the "21 day rule". So what is this rule?
3 weeks is the time it takes for the central nervous system to learn a new habit, which in this case could be the habit of being alone and walking on your own two feet.
As Hussey himself explained in a video posted on his Instagram page, the "21 day rule" implies that if we leave someone, we must commit to absolutely no contact for 3 consecutive weeks.
According to Hussey, this is the amount of time needed for the person to truly feel our absence and in this gap, we also understand whether we both want to restore the relationship and if so. What is the real level of commitment? In reality, things often become messy after the decision to break up, but in the necessary solitude, whether the relationship can be saved or whether it's time to move on alone also needs to be answered soon. .
In the experience of psychologist and psychoanalyst Elena Benvenuti, “the 21-day rule makes total sense. "I have always believed that it is necessary to finally find yourself after the end of a story, it is important to learn to feel good about yourself, to have the opportunity to examine your emotions in the separate from others, cut off all dependencies, habits and interference. The more intense and long-lasting the relationship, the more clearly necessary is the separation."
This separation gives us the ability to feel great relief when the other person is no longer near us. Sometimes we will feel guilty with the feeling of relief after separation, but this feeling is not at all worthy of condemnation, on the contrary: it is a sign that the story has ended and both of you are alone. together more out of habit than out of true desire. Furthermore, missing the other person will also be reaffirmed, because in absence and distance, one can understand the value of that person, which in everyday life we often forget.
Several studies have highlighted that 3 weeks is enough for our central nervous system to learn a new habit, which in this case could be the habit of being alone and walking on our own two feet. Being able to view the situation more clearly and objectively is a natural consequence of this period of silence. And then, the decision to leave or continue to trust will lie with each person.
