Infatuation in relationships - harmless or worrying?
There are many people who feel attracted to someone other than their current relationship. This is completely normal and there is nothing wrong with it. However, the problem is knowing how to manage and deal with these feelings appropriately.
Crushing—feeling infatuated with someone who isn’t your significant other—is a common experience for many people, even those in committed relationships. It could be a cute new co-worker, that guy at the gym, or your daily barista.
But don't worry too much, it doesn't mean you're a bad partner, nor does it mean your relationship is in trouble.
What does it mean when you have a crush on someone?
When you have a crush on someone and tend to want to get out of the relationship, it can reflect some personal issues. For example, you have a history of self-sabotaging when things get serious. Or you are trying to find needs that are not being met in your current relationship.
You may feel suffocated in your current relationship or are going through difficult times where there is no longer the open connection and communication that you once had. In some cases, falling in love with someone else may be an attempt to get your partner’s attention, especially if you feel neglected.
Relationship flaws, whether temporary or long-term, can make falling in love with someone else more appealing. This suggests that difficulties in your current relationship may push you to seek connection elsewhere.
So when do your feelings cross the line?
A fling can cross the line and become a romantic relationship if left unchecked. A warning sign is when you receive news, good or bad, and your first reaction is to share it with the person you feel closest to. This means that “that person” is the most important person to you, the one who gives you a sense of security and trust in your heart. And this is when the danger light needs to be alerted.
It's important to be honest with yourself. You need to ask yourself if this is just a temporary crush or if there's something deeper going on. There's a fine line between a relationship and a crush.
If you suspect that your feelings for someone have become more serious, you should not rush to share this. Revealing your feelings can put the other person in an awkward position, as they may feel pressured to respond in the same way. Instead, you should be careful to control your emotions, especially in social situations such as drinking. Have a plan to get out of situations where boundaries might be crossed.
Should you tell your lover about your crush?
Experts stress that there is no definitive answer here. It depends on you, your partner, and the type of relationship you have.
Some people find it exciting to think about their boyfriend/girlfriend flirting with other people, especially if they feel very secure and confident. However, others can be seriously hurt. You need to consider whether the person next to you feels threatened by knowing about your relationships and inner world.
Another issue to consider is why you feel the need – or the need – to share your feelings. If sharing your feelings would only benefit you, such as reducing your feelings of guilt and insecurity, but would cause unnecessary distress to your partner, then it is better to keep it a secret. In this case, sharing may benefit you but not the other person. However, if you believe that sharing will benefit your partner, such as confirming your suspicions and knowing exactly who they are with, then you should consider sharing, even though it may make you feel insecure. In this case, sharing may benefit both parties.
Finally, remember that when emotions become overwhelming, they take important attention and energy away from the real issue that needs to be addressed, whether it is a personal issue or a relationship issue. Instead, energy should be focused on addressing internal or relationship issues, not on flirting with other people, no matter how exciting it may be. Perhaps the best solution is to focus on yourself, on your current relationship, or on breaking up so you can explore other options.
