Why Self-Love Will Fail Without Self-Friendship?
Building a strong friendship with yourself is not a destination, but a continuous journey. It requires effort and regular self-reflection.
Friendship is one of the most valuable things in life. Healthy friendships bring joy, improve our mental health, and even shape the way we see the world. With such profound effects, it’s easy to see why people spend so much time and energy building close relationships. But do we give the same attention to our relationships with ourselves?
Many people don’t even think about whether they have “ self-friendship” with themselves . However, our ability to connect and befriend ourselves directly affects how we form friendships with others. According to a study published in Frontiers in Psychology in 2023, there is a strong link between how connected we are to ourselves and how we connect with others. Here are three key aspects to help you recognize whether you truly love yourself as a good friend.
You know how to deal with embarrassment
How you respond to embarrassing situations can reveal a lot about your relationship with yourself. It’s easy to love yourself when things are going well and you’re surrounded by support, but how do you treat yourself when the world seems to turn its back on you? Does your inner voice become your harshest critic or a source of sincere encouragement?
Self-friendship means accepting that everyone makes mistakes. Research published in the journal Clinical Psychology in 2012 found that allowing yourself to feel compassion can help reduce anxiety and depression. If you tend to blame yourself for making a mistake, step back and imagine yourself in someone else’s shoes. How would you comfort them if they made the same mistake? Taking a third-person perspective in embarrassing situations can help relieve emotional pressure and allow you to see the problem more objectively, reducing the negative psychological impact in the moment.
You dare to tell the truth to yourself
Being honest with yourself is the key to being a true friend. After all, a good friend won't let you live in illusions. So, do you have the courage to face your truth, even when it's uncomfortable?
Self-deception may feel good in the short term, but in the long term, it distorts your perception and stunts your growth. A 2022 study in the journal Current Opinion in Psychology defines authenticity as “understanding what you believe and feel, and then honestly expressing those beliefs and feelings in your actions.”
This self-awareness is intimately tied to how you talk to yourself. Ultimately, your inner dialogue shapes your self-image: are you supportive or critical of yourself? Do you often hide your true self for fear of judgment from others? It’s simple—how can you build genuine relationships with others if you can’t be honest with yourself?
Do you see the world as a friend or an enemy?
How you view the world affects how you treat yourself. Do you see the world as a playground of opportunity or a minefield of risk and threat?
Cultivating a positive outlook is the foundation for building strong relationships with both yourself and others. Optimism creates a virtuous cycle that improves your social interactions and also boosts your self-esteem. On the other hand, if you view the world with a negative outlook, you can easily fall into a vicious cycle of anxiety and avoidance. Being a good friend to yourself means challenging these negative thoughts. According to a 2016 study by MIT scientist Earl Miller, actively engaging with the world can help you overcome your fears and build your confidence. Taking on challenges is a way to strengthen your faith in both the world and yourself.
Building a strong friendship with yourself is not a destination, but a continuous journey. It requires effort and regular self-reflection.
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