The "Three Loves" Theory - Does everyone need to experience three loves to mature?
Not all love brings the same experience. And each stage of love is the premise for the next stage
It is often said that each person will experience three great loves in their life, and each love leaves a different mark, helping us to mature and understand love more deeply. A concept that seems to only exist in confessions or poems has now been partly proven by science.
The study, conducted by the famous British lingerie brand "Pour Moi" in April 2024, with the participation of 2,039 people aged 25 and over, provided an interesting perspective: 31% of respondents said they had gone through three to four relationships before finding stability in love. This means that it was not the first loves, but the experience of many emotions and challenges that led them to a truly suitable relationship.
The "three loves" theory is not only about quantity, but also depicts the meaning of each stage of love in life: from the innocence and purity of the first vibrations; the fierce but thorny emotional storm of intense love; to the peace and trust in the last love. Is it possible that these three times of love are the journey that helps us understand that love is not only vibration, but also harmony, maturity and trust?
The first love
First love is often romantic like a fairy tale, where the first emotions burn intensely and innocently. This is often a relationship in the teenage years, where the heart flutters at the newness, making us believe that this love will last forever.
First love often blossoms during high school, but unfortunately, it rarely stands the test of time. It may end because of geographical distance, or because of petty conflicts that the fledgling relationship cannot withstand. First love is often superficial, where we tend to focus more on how the relationship looks to others, rather than its true value. While the experience of breaking up can be heartbreaking, the pain is usually short-lived. From this, we learn that not all relationships, no matter how intense, can last.
Lesson learned: Love is a beautiful and wonderful feeling, but not all relationships last forever. And more importantly, the reality of love rarely resembles the idealized images in romantic movies.
Intense love
The second love, often called “Intense Love,” is like a storm of emotions that sweeps away all the existing order in life. It is not just a relationship, but a mirror that reveals all the deepest emotions inside us: insecurities, desires, and seemingly endless longings. This love burns like a fire, stirring up intense emotions you have never experienced before – fierce jealousy, fear of loss, and deep doubts about yourself.
In this dramatic journey of love, we tirelessly "mold" the other person into our ideal model, while at the same time molding ourselves to fit in with them. But that love is no different from an emotional roller coaster, taking us to dazzling heights and then plunging into dark depths. And when it ends, the pain leaves behind a deep, seemingly incurable wound. However, it is from these wounds that we tap into an inner strength, a part of ourselves that we had never realized before.
Passionate love, despite its scars, is the harshest teacher. It forces us to look deep into ourselves, learn how to rise from the brokenness, and gradually become a stronger, more understanding version of ourselves. After that emotional storm, we walk away with a more mature soul, a more resilient heart – ready to receive brighter and more complete things on the journey of love ahead.
Lesson learned : You clearly realize what you want and don't want from love.
unconditional love
When the wounds of passionate love heal, and you learn to love yourself fully, unconditional love comes as a surprise gift. It is a relationship where everything happens naturally and rightly. There are no mind games, no need to force yourself to change – you are yourself, and so are they. Together, you not only find harmony but also become a source of inspiration for each other to grow.
This is the love that marks the beginning of a never-ending journey, where every moment together is worth cherishing. Unconditional love is a gift of time, maturity, and trust – the ultimate gift we give and receive from life.
Lesson learned: True love does exist, and you deserve to be appreciated and loved completely.
Even if the theory of three loves is considered a general rule, the reality is that each person has their own love journey, with different emotions and experiences. The human heart is a mysterious realm that cannot be confined to any number or pattern – it is free to write its own story, defying all definitions and limitations.
Furthermore, if you haven’t found the love of your life after three relationships, don’t be discouraged. According to research conducted by Pour Moi, more than a quarter of people surveyed said they went through an average of 7.8 relationships before finding stability. This suggests that there is no limit to how many times you can fall in love before you truly reach your deepest connection.
Love is not just a destination, but a journey of learning, growing and discovering yourself. Sooner or later, your heart will find its rhythm at the right time when it is destined to.
Photo: Allure Korea
